


Hooking up and Hang ups

by Tifer14



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-02 21:34:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2826866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tifer14/pseuds/Tifer14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron Hotchner and Spencer Reid get a bit carried away on a drunken night out. Can there be a future for them? Yes there can, there totally can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was a WIP for a really, really long time. It's finally finished! YAY! 
> 
> It was inspired by a scene in Love and Human Remains where Thomas Gibson's character gets a blow job in a nightclub and then it just spiraled out of control. 
> 
> I will be posting a chapter a day. Happy Holidays whatever you celebrate and if you don't Happy December.
> 
> I own nothing, I will never own anything!

Aaron Hotchner laid his arm across the back of the seat and nursed his fifth, maybe sixth, beer. Smiling, he watched as JJ and Emily danced with each other seemingly oblivious to the stares of most of the male patrons of the club that the team had somehow dragged him to tonight. He didn’t really mind. It was better than going back to his empty apartment. Jessica had taken Jack to visit his grandparents and, with his son gone, Aaron felt the loneliness of being a single dad even more acutely. Smiling, he saw that Morgan had already been claimed by two women who seemed to be trying to remove his shirt and although he couldn’t see Garcia he knew that she was around somewhere while Rossi was getting another pitcher. God bless him.

                He felt a head lean back against his arm and he couldn’t help grinning as Reid turned to look up at him with flushed cheeks.

                “I’m drunk,” the young man slurred heavily and leaned into his boss.

                “You are,” Hotch confirmed with a smile and squeezed the thin shoulder slightly.

                “Are you drunk?” Reid squinted his eyes and cocked his head to the side as if this would help him solve the seemingly complex question that he had asked. In fact, it just made the room spin a little and he laid a hand on Hotch’s thigh to steady himself.

                “I am,” Hotch answered with slight surprise. He usually was good at holding his liquor but there had been shots. There had been a lot of shots. As he mused on this, he suddenly felt soft, full lips pressing against his own. Slightly shocked, he pulled back wide eyed.

                “Oh God, Hotch, I am so sorry,” Reid blurted out and tried to shove himself away from the older man but gravity seemed to be behaving very strangely and he had to grasp the front of Hotch’s shirt to avoid falling to the floor. “I’m just really drunk and you were right there and you smell so good and please don’t fire me. It won’t happen again, I promise, and I don’t want to leave the BAU and I love my job.”

                “Reid,” Hotch attempted to interrupt the slough of words pouring from the young man’s mouth to no avail. “Reid,” he tried a little louder as the young man veered off into his love for the entire FBI in general. “REID!” he finally shouted and the young man looked up so sharply that Hotch was worried he would have whiplash. “Shut up,” he growled and leaned forward, pulling the young man towards him and pressing forcefully against his lips. When they parted in surprise, Hotch took the opportunity to slide his tongue into the warm mouth and savour the taste of his youngest agent. A deep groan escaped from his lips as all his lonely, dirty fantasies were surpassed. God, he was so lonely. He felt his dick hardening and pressing against his slacks. Finally, they broke apart, breathing heavily with foreheads leaning together as if they couldn’t bear to be even inches apart.

                “You kissed me,” Reid panted, awe struck.

                “I did,” Hotch smirked.

                “It was good.”

                “It was.”

                “We should do it again.” Reid pressed into Hotch again and thrust his tongue in to battle for dominance with the older man. His arms slid around Hotch’s waist and he marvelled at the slight shiver he felt as he held his boss close. God, he’d wanted this for so long. He’d wanted this from the moment he was introduced to Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner with his dark eyes, thick floppy hair that Spencer longed to run his fingers through but never thought he would get the chance to when he was introduced to pretty Mrs. Hotchner a few months later but here he was with his fingers carded in Hotch’s hair, which was shorter now but just as sexy. And, God, his thoughts were running a mile a minute that was one hell of a run on sentence even for his internal monologues but there was a strong hand cupping his face as a calloused thumb caressed his cheekbone and his brain short-circuited with a deep moan.

                JJ looked over to see if Rossi was back with the beer yet and her mouth dropped open as she stood frozen to the spot. Emily gave a questioning glance when her dance partner suddenly stopped responding but JJ could only point the general direction of their booth. Emily turned and had to do a double take at the sight of Dr. Spencer Reid and Senior Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner—sucking face. There really wasn’t a better way to describe the desperate passion in that kiss. She turned to JJ who just shook her head in disbelief. Suddenly, an arm was slung around each of their necks as Penelope Garcia returned from the bathroom.

                “Don’t like this song?” She asked, perplexed.

                “Hotch and Reid,” Emily mumbled and then resorted to pointing as JJ had only to be deafened by Garcia’s squeal of delight.

                “Oh my God, that is so hot,” Garcia continued once she felt verbal again. Emily nodded her agreement while JJ still seemed in shock. “We’ve got to tell Derek!”

                Emily shouted across to their teammate who was being kept quite busy by a group of young woman. “Morgan! Team meeting!” He furrowed his brow but extracted himself and made his way over to the women.

                “This better be good, girls.”

                “Oh it is better than good, my Chocolate Treat. Look over there.”

                As Morgan turned in the direction of his boss and his best friend, Reid shifted his weight and straddled Hotch’s lap as the older agent’s hands slid down to caress his ass. “Oh sweet Jesus Christ,” Morgan groaned and turned around to resolutely face in the opposite direction, “I did not need to see that.”

                Hotch pulled Reid down into his lap and, lifting his hips, he mindlessly thrust upwards, desperately seeking some contact for his straining cock. Reid slid forwards and ground their erections together, breaking the kiss with a needy groan. Hotch’s eyes flew open as he felt his belt being opened and his slacks unzipped by nimble fingers that drew him out and closed around his aching length. His body reacted beyond the logical reasoning of his alcohol numbed mind and he thrust up into his subordinate’s hand.

                Rossi returned from the bar with a pitcher of beer and took in the sight of Aaron’s head thrown backwards as Reid seemed to be riding him and pressing kisses down his bared throat. Rossi considered himself to be a man who had seen everything but he nearly dropped the pitcher before he managed to get over the shock. Unnoticed, he slid it onto the table and headed onto the dance floor where he saw the other agents gathered together. The three women were hungrily taking in the show while Morgan was still facing the other way with his arms crossed over his chest.

                “Is Reid doing what I think he is doing?” Emily asked once Rossi was standing next to her.

                “If you think he’s giving Aaron a hand job, then yes,” Rossi confirmed dryly. Morgan’s hands flew over his ears with an exasperated groan while Garcia squealed and JJ’s jaw seemed to drop even further. “Someone needs to take them home before this goes any further. Derek?”

                Morgan just flipped the older profiler the bird and stormed back to the group of women who roared their approval at his return. Rossi rubbed a hand over his face and resignedly returned to break up the little party going on in their booth.

                Reid licked his way back up Hotch’s neck and along his jaw before whispering hotly in his ear, “Hotch?”

                The older man looked up into those beautiful hazel eyes and ran his thumb along the prominent cheekbones, “Spencer, you’ve got your hand around my dick. I think you can call me Aaron.”

                Reid caught the calloused thumb between his teeth and sucked lightly, “Aaron,” he moaned releasing the digit and Hotch was pretty sure that he could cum from that single sound alone. “I want to taste you.”

                “God, please, yes,” Hotch panted, throwing his head back against the leather as Reid started to slide towards the floor. The movement was interrupted by a loud cough and Aaron glared up at David Rossi with fiery lust blown eyes but his mentor just smirked.

                “Unless you boys are planning on arresting each other for performing a lewd act in public, you might want to consider wrapping this up. Come on, I’ll take you home and you can... finish off.” Reid reddened and was suddenly very aware that he was going down on his boss in the middle of a crowded club. Hotch tucked himself away but pulled Reid in close as Rossi headed for the exit.

                “I hope you won’t forget your offer, Spencer.”

                Reid grinned, “Eidetic memory,” he smirked and leaned in to kiss Aaron, only over balancing very slightly. However, he didn’t object as Hotch slipped an arm around his waist and steered him out of the club.

                Rossi’s Bentley was idling outside of the entrance when they emerged and Hotch slipped into the backseat after Reid.

                “Wouldn’t you prefer sitting up front, Aaron?” Rossi offered with a drawl.

                “No thanks, Dave, I’ve got a much better view back here,” Hotch smirked over at Reid who linked their hands. As Rossi pulled out Hotch unclipped his belt and slid over to kiss Reid while rubbing his hand over the erection straining at the front of the young genius’ cords. His drunken fumbling certainly had no finesse and it felt weird to have another man’s cock almost in his hand but he was pleased when Reid moaned and bucked his hips as much as his seatbelt would allow.

                “For God’s sake, Aaron. Keep your hands to yourself,” Rossi yelled back. “I don’t want any stains on the upholstery.” Hotch moved away from Reid as the older profiler glared in the rear view mirror. Thank God it’s only a fifteen minute drive, Rossi thought to himself, and I can make it in ten. He pressed down on the gas pedal with a grimace.

As soon as Rossi returned his attention to the road, Hotch returned his attention to Reid. Carefully holding his hands behind his back, he kissed Reid deeply before trailing along his jaw and down his neck, biting softly into the pulse point and drawing a sharp gasp from the young man which made Rossi turn in his seat.

“Eyes on the road, Dave,” Hotch warned while lapping at the red mark he’d left on Reid’s pale skin.

“What did I say to you only five minutes ago?”

“I’m keeping my hands to myself.” Hotch gestured with his hands which were still laced behind his back. Rossi let out a disgruntled sigh but gave up. Hotch huffed a soft laugh against Reid’s collarbone as he heard Rossi curse, “fucking lawyers and their fucking technicalities.”

                When they reached Hotch’s apartment block, Rossi slammed on the brakes with more force than necessary and Hotch fell to the floor with a curse. Reid unstrapped himself and pulled his boss up before thanking Rossi quietly and hopping eagerly out of the car. Hotch made to follow him but was arrested by a firm hand on his arm.

                “Be good to him, Aaron. Don’t freak out,” Rossi cautioned

“I’m not going to freak out,” Hotch argued stubbornly.

“Sure, you’re not,” Rossi smirked. “Just have some fun for once.”

                Hotch flashed him wolfish grin, “Oh I will, Dave.” He fished out his keys and loped up to the door where Spencer was waiting. Somehow they managed to make it down the hall, though Reid made an interesting squeaking noise when Hotch grabbed his ass as they waited impatiently for the elevator, barely looking at each other. Hotch was sure that some of his neighbours would be spying through their peepholes but all his drunken mind could think was—“fuck them”. As soon as they were in the apartment, and Hotch had disarmed the alarm, he felt himself pushed up against the door and Reid whispered hotly in his ear.

                “Where were we? Oh yes. Tasting you.” Without waiting for a response, he dropped to his knees and pulled open Hotch’s pants, which fell to the floor with a thud from the weight of his gun.

                Reid mouthed at the stain of pre cum on the front of Hotch’s tight, black, boxer briefs before hooking his fingers in the waistband and freeing his impressive erection.

                “God, yes,” Hotch groaned, throwing his head back against the wooden door as Spencer’s lips wrapped around the tip and his tongue teased at the slit. He fought to keep his hands at his sides because he knew it wasn’t polite to force the issue but he couldn’t help but curl his fingers into those soft chestnut curls. Hotch stared in amazement as Reid licked a long stripe up his cock and smiled up at him before taking his whole length down his throat. Hotch could feel the muscles convulsing, massaging his dick and he couldn’t stop himself from fisting Reid’s hair and pushing himself further down his throat with a deep moan. Reid raised one hand to fondle Hotch’s balls as he drew out his own erection and started pleasuring himself while sucking eagerly. Hotch couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight but he felt his orgasm building embarrassingly quickly and he slid his hand down to Spencer’s shoulder.

                “Spencer. I can’t. I’m going to come.” Reid just looked up at him and winked before sucking down Hotch’s cock again until his cheeks hollowed and the older man felt his orgasm explode into the wet warmth. Over his heavy panting, he heard Spencer’s own climactic shout and he grimaced before sliding to the floor and gazing at the spent young man in front of him. Oh God, he’d wanted this for so long. But what had he done? His career. His family. He wasn’t gay. Sure, he’d thought about Reid sometimes when masturbating but that was just because they spent so much time together.

                Shakily, he got to his feet and slipped his sidearm out of the holster, before doing the same with his ankle holster. He toed off his shoes and motioned for Reid to follow him. He hung his suit jacket near the door and left his trousers and boxers twisted together in a pile. Everything still felt pleasantly alcohol-fuzzy and he easily pushed away any doubts he was having. He led Spencer to the bedroom and held out his hand for his revolver. He placed their guns in the safe in the closet.

                “The code is Jack’s birthday but European format.” Reid just nodded numbly and watched Hotch pull out two towels.

                Finally he blurted out, “Hotch, what are you doing?”

                Aaron was suddenly very aware that he was standing there in just his shirt, tie and socks. He held the towels in front of him and all the insecurities that he hid so well at work seemed to come roaring to the forefront. “I thought you’d want to stay but that’s okay. You don’t have to. I can drive you home or get you a cab if you don’t want to wait for me to sober up.”

                “You want me to stay?” Reid asked nervously and tucked his hair behind his ear. Hotch just nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed. He really wanted Spencer to stay but he knew it probably wasn’t a good idea. None of what had happened tonight was a good idea and Rossi knew it all. Hell, they probably all saw the little show at the club. Hotch rubbed a tired hand over his face.

                “I’d love to stay,” Reid whispered and sat down uncertainly on the bed. Aaron managed a shaky smile but his doubts were starting to well up inside him. He needed space. Looking over shyly at the young man next to him, he asked “do you want to shower first?” Spencer nodded and took the offered towel with a small smile. Once he heard the bathroom door click shut, Aaron let himself begin to freak out quietly. Suddenly he heard a small voice somewhere in the back of his brain begin to berate him, “what the hell are you doing, Aaron?” Great. Of course his doubts would sound just like Hayley. “Rutting in the hallway like some kind of animal. You couldn’t even make it to the bedroom.” The voice changed, oh God, it was his mother, “and with a man. No son of mine is a sexual deviant.” Wildly, Aaron stood up from the bed, pulled on a pair of boxers, and fled to the living room and his liquor cabinet.

                When Spencer emerged from the bathroom, with just a towel on, he padded into the bedroom and found it empty. Panic started to set in. He should get dressed. He should go. Aaron didn’t really want him here. He quickly dressed again and shuffled into the living room to find Hotch sitting on the sofa with a half-empty glass and a bottle in front of him. Reid coughed quietly but Hotch didn’t look round.

                “I’ll go, Hotch,” he mumbled.

                “I’m sorry, Reid. This was a bad idea. A really bad idea. Our jobs...” Hotch trailed off but didn’t look round at his subordinate.

                “Of course. I’m sorry, Hotch.”

                “I’ll call you a cab.”

                “It’s okay. I’ll walk. I need the walk.” Spencer stumbled to the door and closed it quietly behind him. Hotch made no move to follow him but then he hadn’t thought that he would. Only when he was outside Hotch’s apartment did he allow himself to look up. He saw a silhouette at the window and choked back a sob before pacing away as fast as he could in the vague direction of his apartment. It would probably take him over an hour to get home but he really needed the walk. Only when he was half way home did he realise that he had left his gun in Hotch’s safe and he started to cry.


	2. Chapter 2

Reid spent the weekend curled up in bed with a stack of books. His phone rang almost incessantly with jibes from Morgan and Prentiss. Garcia demanded juicy details via text and finally Emily asked if he was ignoring them because Hotch was still pounding him into the mattress. He only answered one text. It was from Rossi and all it said was: “He freaked out, didn’t he?” Reid sent his one word reply: “Yes” and retreated into his books again. There really wasn’t anything more that needed to be said.

                Monday morning came far too quickly and, for the first time since he had started at the BAU, Reid dragged himself into work. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. There were times after Georgia that he had known that he was too high to really function but he’d still wanted to be there. He glanced around the bullpen and was relieved that he was the first one there. The door to Hotch’s office was still closed and the lights were off. That was strange. Hotch was always here first. Reid threw himself into his chair and prepared to bury himself in paperwork.

                “Well, well, Pretty Boy! Finally dragged yourself out of bed?” Morgan and Emily wandered in together an hour later with huge grins plastered across their faces. “You certainly look like you didn’t get much sleep this weekend.” Morgan slapped him on the back and took his seat.

Emily looked a little closer and her smile faltered. Certainly, there were dark rings under Reid’s eyes and his hair was mussed but his eyes were also red and he was wearing his glasses instead of his contacts. She was pretty sure it wasn’t fun sexy times with their boss that had kept Reid up all weekend. There was a slight cough from the walkway just as she went to lay a hand on Reid’s shoulder and ask him what was wrong. She looked up and caught Rossi’s eye. He just shook his head slightly and she withdrew her hand. Her questioning look remained unanswered but for now she would defer to the older man.

Hotch stormed through the doors fifteen minutes later. He was late. Hotch was never late. Morgan grinned again but then realised that all was not well as Hotch walked briskly through the bullpen and into his office, closing his door quietly but firmly. Morgan started to worry. Maybe Hotch had hurt his little brother. He opened his mouth to speak and Emily shook her head. She motioned for him to follow her and they went to the break room.

“What the hell happened?” Morgan exploded. “Did he hurt Reid?”

“I have no idea. I think Rossi has some idea what is going on. I just don’t think Reid would appreciate either of us hassling him right now.”

“I just want to know he’s okay,” Morgan deflated.

“I’m fine,” came a small voice from the doorway. Reid stood there with his mug in hand. “Everything is fine.” He wasn’t convincing anyone but his friends nodded and retreated back to their desks. Reid took his time making his coffee and remembering to breathe. If he could just get through today then he was sure he could get through the rest of his life. As he moved to return to his desk, he nearly collided with a very solid form in a very nice suit. He didn’t even need to look up. It was the smell of the cologne that made his stomach flip. Mumbling an apology he tried to step around his boss but unfortunately they both stepped the same way and an awkward little dance proceeded. Finally, Reid backed up to the refrigerator and crept around Hotch. He never once lifted his eyes from his coffee cup and Hotch never spoke a word. Instead of returning to his desk, he fled to Garcia’s lair. He just needed a moment to breathe. Breathe. Get through today. Breathe. Get through today.

Hotch cursed himself quietly under his breath as he made a much needed cup of coffee. He should have said something. He needed to say something. He should have called Spencer over the weekend. Reid. He should have called Reid. Should he apologise? He should probably apologise. Not over the phone. He should apologise in person. He should take Spencer into his arms and kiss him as an apology. No. No. No. No kissing subordinates. Maybe, he could send a memo. He nearly laughed at that thought but he bit his tongue at the inappropriate hilarity. He’d have to say something. Later. Later, when he could be sure that he wouldn’t end up kissing Reid. When he could be sure that he wouldn’t beg Reid to blow him again like he had that night. Cursing again he held a file folder in front of his slacks as he awkwardly fled to his office.

Closing his blinds he let his head fall into his hands and tried to massage away his headache. He’d drunk too much at the weekend and he was paying for it now. He’d paid for it over the weekend as well but he had needed to dull the ache. The ache for Spencer, his mind helpfully provided and he shook his head violently. His stomach lurched again. Jesus, he hadn’t drunk this much since that weekend he’d got back from Milwaukee and Hayley had left. He returned to his paperwork and forced himself to push Spencer—Reid—to push Reid to the back of his mind but it really didn’t work. Leaning back in his chair he thought of the conversation that he’d had with Rossi last night.

Somehow the old man knew. Rossi always knows everything. Not in the way that Garcia knows everything, in that she investigates every little occurrence in the office, no, Rossi knows through some strange process of clairvoyance or osmosis or something. Anyway, he knocked firmly on Hotch’s door and Hotch had no choice but to answer when he kept knocking for the next five minutes at precisely thirty second intervals. It took Aaron far too long to navigate his way to the doorway where he tripped over his trousers that were still tangled together with his boxers. Kicking them to the side with a grimace, he pulled open his apartment door and he hoped that the look on his face was more ‘I am pissed that you are here’ rather than ‘I am just pissed’. Rossi took his arm and without a word guided him into the bathroom. He handed him a towel and nodded towards the shower cubicle. When Hotch didn’t move, he just sighed.

“Aaron, take a shower. You really need it. I’ll be waiting in the living room.” Hotch looked down at himself and realised that he was wearing the same shirt that he was wearing at the club. The same shirt that Spencer blew him in. That meant he hadn’t showered since Friday morning and it was now Sunday night? He thought it was Sunday night. Shit, he had to be at work tomorrow. Spencer would be at work tomorrow. Grimacing he turned on the water and decided it was probably time to sober up.

As promised, Rossi was sitting in his armchair when he slunk back into the sitting room in a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt. He’d hoped the old man might have left but he’d known that he wouldn’t. He was sipping on Aaron’s Scotch but he nodded his approval when Hotch started the coffeemaker. Hotch shuffled around the kitchen, looking uncharacteristically nervous, as Rossi watched him from the armchair in the lounge. Finally, he returned with two mugs of coffee and threw himself onto the sofa, preparing for a long lecture.

“So, you freaked out.”

“I didn’t freak out.”

“Reid says that you did.”

“You talked to Spencer?” Hotch looked so damn hopeful that Rossi was pretty sure that his heart was going to break.

“Reid isn’t talking to anyone, Aaron. He did reply to my text. What happened?”

“Nothing,” Hotch mumbled into his coffee.

“I’m pretty sure something happened with the way you were cavorting in the back of my car.”

Hotch raised one eyebrow, “I do not cavort.”

“As far as I knew, you also don’t make out with young male subordinates. I think quite a few things happened on Friday night that were out of the norm.” Hotch remained silent. “Okay, so I’ll tell you what I think happened and you can correct me if I’m wrong.” Hotch nodded almost imperceptibly but Rossi took it as his cue. “You and Reid slept together.”

“We didn’t sleep together.”

It was Rossi’s turn for shock, “You didn’t?” He blurted out.

“No. He... um... he gave me a blowjob,” Hotch mumbled and reddened.

“Oh. Was it good?” Hotch cricked his neck from looking up at Rossi so fast. “Scratch that. I don’t think I want to know. So the kid gave you a blowjob.”

“Please don’t call him ‘kid’, especially in that sentence,” Hotch winced.

“Fine. Reid gave you a blowjob. You finished him off somehow.”

“I didn’t touch him,” Hotch mumbled again.

“Jeez, Aaron, did the kid—sorry, Reid—get any satisfaction out of the night?”

“He... um... finished himself off while he was... you know.”

“Oh. So that happened, and then you have some kind of panic attack about not being gay which stemmed from your traditional, tight-assed upbringing and you call him a cab and send him home where he has remained, not answering the phone all weekend.”

“I didn’t call him a cab.”

“You drove him? Aaron, you were in no fit state to drive,” Rossi remonstrated.

“No, he wanted to walk,” Aaron attempted to defend himself but the attempt fell flat as Rossi’s temper flared.

“And you let him? Aaron! For God’s sake, you let the kid walk home in the middle of the night. He lives on the other side of town.”

“He’s not a kid,” Aaron screamed back, “he’s an armed FBI agent.” Suddenly he blanched. “Oh, God. He wasn’t armed.”

“What?”

“His gun is still in my gun safe. I took it when I asked him to stay.”

“You asked him to stay? So he was the one who wanted to leave?”

“No. I asked him to stay and then I made him leave by acting like a total asshole. I’m too old for him, Dave. The whole thing was a terrible idea”

“Jesus, Aaron. I really hope you didn’t invite me over for a pity party.”

“I didn’t invite you over, Dave. Look. It’s better for Spencer if he has nothing to do with me. I have nothing to offer him. I’m too old and tired and I’m straight.” Rossi didn’t need to know how often he’d fantasised about Reid. Aaron Hotchner was straight.

“Right, I’ll leave you to talk yourself into that one. Look Aaron. Apparently Friday night was definitely not your finest hour but I know Spencer got home okay. Garcia traced his phone when he wasn’t answering. Give me the gun. I’ll give it to Spencer tomorrow and have a talk with him.”

“You don’t have to, Dave. I need to talk to him. I should apologize.”

“Yes, you should. Still, maybe you should wait a bit. Figure out what you want, Aaron.” He rose from the seat and followed Hotch into the bedroom where Hotch handed over Spencer’s firearm. At the door, Rossi turned again with a sad smile on his face. “Maybe, for once in your life, you should do what you want to do. Choose to be happy, Aaron. If Spencer’s what you want then you should go for it.”

Everything that Hotch had been saying, the walls he had been building, seemed to crumble around him. “I think I blew my chance,” Aaron muttered softly and felt dangerously on the verge of tears.

“If it was me,” Rossi smirked, “I wouldn’t give you another glance let alone a second chance. But Reid’s a much better person than I am, much more forgiving. Just don’t abuse that, Aaron.” He patted the younger man on the shoulder once and wandered to the elevator, leaving Aaron alone again with his thoughts.

Hotch looked around at his office. Here he was. Alone again. What did he really want? And if he figured that out, would he have the guts to pursue it? You know what you want, that irritating voice in his head provided. Hotch realised that he’d been hearing voices a lot this weekend, which probably wasn’t healthy. Pushing his personal dilemmas to the side, he attempted to focus on the budget report glowing on his computer screen.

Reid was arrested in his flight to Garcia’s office by Rossi’s surprisingly strong grip on his arm. “Come to my office,” he commanded in a tone that permitted no arguments. Reid followed him with his head hung low. He could only think of how Hotch had acted in the back of Rossi’s car. He’d been so happy, playful, horny but then everything had changed within an hour and suddenly he seemingly was drinking to forget everything that had happened. Rossi closed the door and motioned for Reid to sit in one of his chairs. He sat behind his desk and opened a drawer. Reid heard something heavy being placed on the wood and looked up from his rapidly cooling coffee.

“Thank you,” he mumbled and stood, reaching for his gun and a quick exit.

“Not so fast, kid. You and I are having a talk.” Reid reluctantly reclaimed his seat and coffee after slipping his gun into the empty holster he had absentmindedly attached to his belt this morning. He’d missed the comforting weight on his hip. Rather than looking at Rossi, he concentrated on his coffee. Finally, the older man sighed.

“I went round to Aaron’s last night and he explained to me what happened.” He noted Reid’s wince of discomfort but continued. “He acted like a complete ass and you are completely within your rights to never forgive him.” He noted Reid’s slight shrug. “But you’re not going to do that.” He noted Reid’s long sip of coffee and became exasperated with non-verbal communication. “Profile Aaron Hotchner.”

Reid looked up sharply. “We don’t profile one another,” he mumbled.

“Sure we don’t, kid. And you and the other two musketeers weren’t standing in my office profiling me on my first day back.” Rossi smirked. “Start at the beginning.”

“Oldest child. His parents expected a great deal from him. Traditional upbringing. Southern traditional upbringing.” Reid started to warm to his subject. “Abusive father. Probably some problems with alcoholism either both parents or just his father. Younger brother born ten years after him. Suggests there were marital problems or biological problems. I would think marital and the child was to save the marriage. He was sent to boarding school, probably when he fought back against his father. Father died young. He tells different stories as to how- sometimes cancer, sometimes heart attack. Probably, an alcohol related death which still embarrasses him. His father’s death freed him from expectations to an extent and allowed him to move into the FBI. He married young, and his wife ticked every box- blonde, pretty, not too ambitious for herself but supportive of an upwardly mobile husband...” Reid trailed off, embarrassed about profiling Hayley.

“Fine. So, how to you think homosexuality or bi-sexuality would be viewed by Aaron’s parents and peers?”

Reid flinched but Rossi’s unwavering stare forced him to answer. “I imagine that deviation from the norm would not be tolerated in any form.”

Rossi nodded and clasped his hands together on the desk. “I’m not justifying his actions, Reid, but you should know that Friday night was a major challenge to the basis of Aaron’s personality. He is being forced to recognise aspects of himself that he has been unwilling to fully accept up until this point. We all know that he’s been attracted to you for a long time.” Reid looked surprised but Rossi waved it away. “You don’t even have to be a profiler to feel the sexual tension between you two. Still, he panicked when he finally acted upon these desires. If you give him time, he will come around but you don’t have to. Only if you want to.” Reid nodded slowly and stood. Rossi wanted to hug the young man in support but he restrained himself and allowed Reid to exit his office, closing the door behind him.

Spencer returned to his desk, ignoring the curious glances from Morgan and Prentiss and willing the day to end already. Five o’clock couldn’t come fast enough but when it did he leapt from his desk planning to make his escape. However, Emily had other plans. She hooked an arm through his and smiled broadly.

“Come to mine. I’ll make you dinner.” She took one look at Spencer’s horrified face and grimaced. She wasn’t that bad a cook. “You know that I mean I’ll order in.” The terror passed but Spencer still shook his head slowly. “I promise you won’t have to talk about this weekend. It will just be a bad sci-fi movie and pizza on the sofa.”

Spencer couldn’t help but be intrigued. “Which movie?”

“Oh! I have found a really truly awesomely terrible one- _Fiend Without a Face_. We’ll love it.”

“Okay,” Spencer agreed with a small smile. He really could do with some food and some good company. If Emily promised not to mention Hotch, then he trusted her. She grabbed her bag as he swung his satchel over his shoulder and they headed for the elevator together. Hotch watched them sadly from his office. It should be him walking out with Spencer. He should be making Spencer dinner and kissing him softly all the way to the bedroom. He should be spreading Spencer out over his bed right now and showing him how much he really lov—really wanted him. Jesus, he was falling in love with a man he’d horribly rejected just a couple of days ago. He looked back at his mountain of paperwork and decided that there really was no reason for him to go home to his empty apartment tonight. He had enough work here to last him until he collapsed from exhaustion and he had a spare suit on the back of the door. What more did he need?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fiend Without a Face is an actual movie and it is equal parts awesome and terrible. Alright, maybe slightly more terrible but I recommend it.


	3. Chapter 3

Emily went for the door to pay for the pizza as Spencer slipped the DVD into the player. A movie about invisible brains attacking people was exactly what he needed tonight. Emily slid the pizza onto the table and brought a couple of plates from the kitchen. She’d changed into yoga pants and an old t-shirt and looked as comfortable as Spencer felt. He liked Emily. They’d got off to a rough start but then she’d revealed her inner geek and they’d found out they had a lot in common. Maybe he had a lot in common with Hotch too. Hotch had admitted to Elle that he collected coins as a child which kind of threw Spencer’s original idea, that Aaron Hotchner had been a total jock in high school, for a loop. He rubbed a hand over his eyes to push those thoughts away. Why was he thinking about getting to know Hotch better? It didn’t matter what Rossi said. Hotch had made it quite clear that he did not want a relationship with him. He slouched down on the sofa and concentrated on the movie.

                Emily saw every movement Spencer made and she knew exactly what he was thinking about but she’d promised not to say anything, so she didn’t. She really wanted to, though. Spencer was hurting and she couldn’t bear to see that. Part of her wanted to go round to Hotch’s house and shake some sense into him, make him realise exactly what he was missing out on. The other part of her just wanted to shoot him. Still, she kind of hoped that he’d come around. Sure, they’d been shocked by the blatant PDA at the club but they’d all seen the lingering glances that passed between Spencer and Hotch. Hotch would leave his hand just a little longer than necessary on the young genius’ shoulder when looking at a file. Spencer adored their unit chief. That had hit her almost as soon as she’d joined the team back when Hotch had still been married and Spencer had still had an air of innocence. Georgia got rid of that. Spencer had singled out Hotch because he’d known the older man would understand his cryptic message; because he’d known that they shared a bond. Hotch had understood and Emily was sure that he was aware of the attraction but perhaps not that it was mutual. Sometimes people were most blind when they were forced to look in the mirror.

                Aaron stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. His reflection stared back at him: eyes slightly bloodshot from lack of sleep and too much alcohol. He’d been drinking regularly over the past week and it was showing. Like father; like son, he grimaced. Rivulets of water tracked down his chest. At least his body was still good despite the scarring but he worried that he looked old. Frowning, he noticed the deep lines that formed between his eyebrows. There were no smile lines. Apparently he hadn’t smiled enough in his life for those to form. He tried forming a smile and his dimples even showed but it looked forced and fake. He was too old for romance. Too old to change his entire life because of a... what would he even call it... an indiscretion. His mind drifted back to Friday night as it had done all week. Once again Spencer was on his knees in front of him with his lips wrapped around his cock. He could feel his body responding. God, he was as horny as a teenager. He forced his hands into fists and kept them at his sides even though all he wanted was to stroke his growing erection. Glaring at his reflection, at the few grey hairs at his temple, at his sharp cheekbones, he cleared his throat. “I am straight,” he stated clearly. But there was that feeling again, the warm feeling of Spencer palming his balls and rolling them just right.

                Groaning, he looked down at the tented towel. At least he wasn’t in the office. Still, this wasn’t right. Sure, it wouldn’t be the first time that he’d masturbated to thoughts of Reid but those other times had been after dirty dreams when he was still half asleep and he’d dismissed them in the morning. He spent so much time with the team that it was perfectly normal to dream about them. Surely next time it would be Prentiss or JJ. But it never was. Forcing himself to stare into his own eyes, he flicked open the towel and let it fall to the floor. “Sure thing, Aaron,” he muttered to his reflection, “because straight guys get hard and masturbate to thoughts of young men giving them blowjobs.” Resigned, he closed his left hand around his dick and tugged on his balls with his right. Why did he even care? It wasn’t like he was a homophobe and, fuck, he really needed this. Imagining that the fingers around his cock were much longer and smoother he stroked himself in just the right way to get off fast. He could feel himself already balanced on the edge as his thighs started to shake. He grabbed hold of the sink with his right hand and sped up his strokes, panting and groaning, his hips jerking roughly. “Fuck, Spencer,” he shouted as he finally flew apart and came in thick streams over his hand and the sink. Shakily he slid to the bathroom floor. Shit, he was truly fucked. Looking at his hand he remembered how sexy it was to see Spencer swallowing down his cum. Flushing red, and glad that he could no longer see himself in the mirror, he raised his hand to his mouth and licked tentatively at his sticky fingers. “Yeugh,” he stuck his tongue out and realised that was where Jack got that facial expression from. Maybe, it was an acquired taste. Maybe, Spencer would taste sweeter. Maybe, he’d get a chance to find out. “Well, that’s a really straight thought, Aaron.” Images of his father flashed through his mind and he fought against the urge to flinch. The old man would surely have belted the gay out of him if Aaron had had these thoughts as a teen. Standing, he washed his hands off in the sink and wiped down the mess, avoiding his reflection the whole time.

                Walking into his bedroom, he took in the big, empty bed. Over 20 years of sharing a bed with someone. He was incredibly lonely. At least, Jack would be back from his holiday with the Brooks tomorrow. He missed his little boy. Still, he needed someone to share his life with and, if he was honest with himself which was something he generally avoided, the only person that he’d ever thought of in that way other than Hayley was Spencer Reid.


	4. Chapter 4

Life at the BAU returned to normal. Hotch and Reid were painfully professional as Hotch remained paralysed with indecision about exactly how to proceed. The time for apology passed and he had said nothing to Reid. They no longer talked outside of work at all. Occasionally Rossi would give an exasperated sigh when he caught Aaron staring longingly at the young man but no one else commented. Months passed and Aaron resigned himself to lonely nights after Jack went to bed. Then the team travelled to Little Rock, Arkansas to pursue a serial bomber.

                Hotch heard the explosion from the front of the house and Morgan’s roar in his earpiece to take cover. Spencer turned towards him and in seemingly slow motion he threw himself at the young man just as the window beside them burst outwards. Covering Spencer with his body, he barely felt shards of glass and plaster shower down onto his back. All he was thinking of was protecting Reid. Slowly he lifted himself and looked down at Spencer’s closed eyes beneath him.

                “Spencer. Spencer! Open your eyes!” Gently he shook Reid’s face and was pleased with a slight groan. Eyelids fluttered open slowly and revealed hazy hazel eyes.

                “Aaron?” Spencer questioned almost with a small moan which made Hotch realise that their lips were barely an inch apart. Without thinking he leaned forward and closed the distance, brushing his lips against Spencer’s.

“Don’t,” Spencer whispered. Aaron pulled back instantly but he couldn’t hide the hurt from his face. He’d thought Spencer might still want him but perhaps he wasn’t willing to give him a second chance. Perhaps too many months had passed. Perhaps Reid had never really wanted more than one night. Long fingers brushed against his cheekbone and Hotch leaned into the touch. “I just mean... is this what you want? I can’t...” Aaron nodded silently but his heart soared with hope.

Both Hotch and Reid flinched as Morgan’s voice came screaming through their earpieces: “Are you both okay?”

“We’re fine,” Hotch replied and helped Reid to his feet. Instantly, it was back to business. “What about Fitzgerald?”

“JJ and Detective Mills got him as he fled out the side-door after arming the devices. We’re all done here.”

“Good. Hopefully we can get home tonight and have a full weekend,” Hotch responded and motioned for Reid to follow him back to the cars. Inside, Spencer was shaking like a leaf. Hotch had kissed him again. His head was aching from where it had impacted with the concrete when he fell but he was feeling lighter than he had in months. He could still feel the weight of Aaron’s body, the gentle brush of his lips. Spencer wanted to skip but he restrained himself and focused on his pounding headache.

The jet ride back was pretty raucous. Everyone was pleased with how quickly the case was wrapped and Hotch’s promise of tomorrow, Friday, off. A three day weekend was a luxury they didn’t often get. Reid took part in a game of snack-food poker and wiped the board with his teammates while constantly stealing glances towards Hotch who was in his usual corner filling out paperwork. He seemed distracted, though, and more than once Spencer caught him chewing on the end of his pen. He only did that when he was nervous and Aaron Hotchner was rarely nervous. Spencer’s hopes fell a little. Hotch was clearly regretting what had happened in the heat of the moment. He should have known. His mood fell and he folded after the next hand, claiming a headache and allowing Emily, JJ and Morgan to split his pile. Stretching out on the sofa, he allowed himself to drift off into a daydream which eventually led to sleep.

Hotch woke him a few hours later with a gentle nudge. They were descending and he moved to one of the seats to fasten his belt. Aaron took the one next to them and pressed his thigh gently against Spencer’s. It could have been an accident, Spencer reminded himself and stared out the window at the approaching lights.

Once they’d landed and deplaned, Hotch gently pulled his arm and took him to the side near his SUV. Morgan looked back and narrowed his eyes. Seemed to him like the boss was playing with Spencer’s heart again and he couldn’t let that slide, but Spencer waved him on and he reluctantly retreated to his vehicle.

“Reid—Spencer, I was wondering if you would like... I mean if you’re not busy... if you would like to go out for dinner... with me... tomorrow night?” Hotch paused and looked into Spencer’s surprised eyes. “I’m sure, Spencer. I’m sure that I want to pursue this. Only if you still want to, of course. We should do this right, though. So, dinner?”

“I’d like that,” Spencer mumbled and a broad smile spread across his face.

“Ok. Good. That’s good,” Hotch stammered, slightly surprised that Spencer had agreed so readily. “So, I’ll pick you up at eight?”

“Sure, eight. Tomorrow at eight.”

“It’s a date,” Hotch couldn’t help smiling himself and displaying his dimples.

“A date?” Spencer’s eyes widened again. He’d never actually been on a date. At least, he didn’t think so. He’d had sexual encounters but that was either with someone he met in a bar or with a good friend like Austin. A date was different. A date meant something. He’d need to find a way to make his hair lie flat and his tie sit straight.

“A date,” Hotch confirmed and gently squeezed Reid’s arm before walking to his SUV. Spencer slid into his own battered car and sat for a minute trying to remember exactly how he was meant to breathe.

Friday night at seven found Reid showered, shaved, dressed and anxiously standing in front of his mirror trying to make his hair behave. By seven thirty, he had changed his tie four times and was considering changing his shirt for a second time. Five minutes to eight and he was pacing his hallway waiting for the knock at his door, which came at eight o’clock precisely. Trying to appear calm, he unlocked the door and attempted a smile.

Hotch had been standing outside Spencer’s door waiting for the past three minutes. He’d spent the last fourteen minutes in his car downstairs because he didn’t want to surprise Reid by being early. He wasn’t sure if he should have worn a suit. He looked too much like he did at work but he felt more nervous when he tried to dress casually. In the end he had lost the tie but as he stood outside Spencer’s door he was considering running back to his car and quickly knotting the one which he had in the glove compartment. He’d brought it just in case. As he knocked, he suddenly realised that he should have brought a gift. Flowers, he should have brought flowers. No, that didn’t seem right. He didn’t even know if Spencer liked flowers and he might feel that Hotch was forcing him into a female role. A book. He should have brought a book. It was too late now the door was opening and there was Spencer.

“You look great,” Hotch murmured and he could feel himself blushing but it was true. Spencer was dressed monochromatically in a black dress shirt, charcoal dress pants, a black cardigan, and a thin lilac tie. His tie was almost straight. Hotch should have worn a tie.

“So do you,” Spencer murmured and tucked his hair behind his ear. Hotch wasn’t wearing a tie. He could see the slight dip at the base of Hotch’s throat and it was very sexy. He wanted to know what sound Hotch would make if he dipped his tongue in there and pressed kisses up his neck. Hotch’s plain white dress shirt was well tailored and probably expensive, so was his sharp navy suit. Spencer’s eyes trailed down Hotch’s entire length to well polished wing-tips and suddenly Spencer really wished that he had something to wear other than his black converse sneakers. The only dress shoes he had were brown. He should have thought of this. He should have gone shoe shopping this morning.

“Are you ready to go?” Hotch asked quietly and Spencer nodded. He grabbed his wallet and keys and slipped them into his pocket with his phone. He’d kept that on him all night, waiting for Hotch to call and cancel. “No bag?” Hotch asked with a slight smirk. Spencer returned it and shook his head as he locked his apartment and slipped his black blazer on against the slight chill.

Hotch stood at the passenger side for a moment. He’s going to let me drive! Reid thought to himself in shock but this was quickly dispelled as Hotch simply stood holding the door open for the young genius. Reid couldn’t help but laugh softly. Sometimes, Aaron was simply adorable. He could see that the older man was blushing as he slid behind the wheel and he regretted his amusement. He hadn’t meant it malevolently. Simply, no one had ever opened a car door for him. Except of course when he’d been bundled into an ambulance.

Hotch interrupted his reverie: “Was that too much?” he asked quietly.

Reid turned to him with a smile, “No. It was sweet. You just surprised me.”

“I’ve not dated in a really long time,” Hotch explained with a small smile. “I’m not sure what is considered appropriate anymore. And it might be different with a man. I don’t want you to feel that I’m being, um, that I’m putting you into a role you’re uncomfortable with.”

“I’ve never actually been on a date,” Spencer mumbled. “I wouldn’t really know what is considered the correct etiquette.”

Hotch looked over at him in surprise. “You’ve never been on a date?” Spencer shook his head. “But you seemed very comfortable that night, you know, with me...” Hotch trailed off not wanting to offend Reid.

“I’ve had sex. I’ve just never dated. Sex is just sex. Two people fulfilling a biological urge. I never really found someone who I was comfortable enough with to think about actually courting.”

“Courting?” Hotch laughed softly. “I don’t think I have to worry about being outmoded.”

Reid returned his laugh. “Well, I’m looking forward to tonight’s courting, Aaron.”

“As am I.” Hotch reassured him.

The rest of the drive passed in companionable silence until Hotch pulled down a small alley and parked the car. Reid looked around slightly nervously until he spotted a small sign for Rosa’s Italian Eatery. “How did you find this place?” He asked as Hotch locked the car.

“Dave recommended it to me. He said the food is fantastic and it offers privacy.” Spencer nodded his approval and waited for Hotch to open the door to the restaurant for him. He could see the alpha male’s ego preen at this slight show of submission and it didn’t cost him anything. Actually, it was nice to be waited on a little. He’d pull Aaron up if it got too much.

A smiling waitress dressed all in black led them to a table at the back of the restaurant. Secluded, it was quite simply romantic. Spencer felt butterflies in his stomach. He was on a date. He was on a date with Aaron Hotchner. What the hell did people do on dates? He was glad when Hotch didn’t pull out his chair for him. That might have been the point that it all got a bit too much. Once they were seated across from one another Hotch flashed him a small shy smile.

“You look nervous,” he mumbled and picked up the menu. “We have been out for dinner together before.”

“I know,” Spencer squeaked and cleared his throat. “Still, you can’t really compare going out with the team after a case to this. This is...”

“Romantic,” Hotch finished for him and frowned. “I think it’s Rossi’s way of showing his support. If you’re uncomfortable we can go somewhere else.”

“No. This is nice. This is really nice. I just... what do people do on dates?”

Hotch smiled a broad grin with dimples and Reid felt himself melt a little. “Well, Spencer, as I said, it’s been a while for me but I believe people eat food and make conversation.”

Spencer felt himself blushing at Hotch’s gentle teasing but he couldn’t stop his smile. It’d been too long since Hotch had teased anyone. “Ah. I see. Sounds complicated. I will try my best, sir.”

Hotch felt a little shiver run through him when Reid called him sir. Great, now I’m becoming a sexual deviant he thought to himself but pushed the thought away. He knew that was perfectly normal. In fact, his sex life with Hayley had probably been so vanilla as to be abnormal. Maybe, Reid wouldn’t mind calling him sir—but that was for later. He returned his attention to the menu. “Would you like wine?”

“Sure, you choose. I really don’t know much about wine.”

“Well, what are you thinking of ordering?”

“The lasagne. Is that really boring?” Spencer looked at him nervously.

Hotch smiled again, “No, I think ordering lasagne is perfectly acceptable.” He scanned the menu for a few more moments. “I think I’ll order the cannelloni.”

“Yeugh, spinach,” Spencer commented before he could stop himself and blushed again.

Hotch just laughed and sat back in his chair. “You know, that’s exactly what Jack said when I tried to sneak him some in his pasta last weekend.”

“Your son clearly has good taste,” Spencer smiled. He’d got Hotch to laugh. Hotch had laughed. This was going to be okay.

The waitress took their orders and they were left in peace. Soft piano music filtered through hidden speakers and, before he’d realised what he was doing, Hotch had taken Spencer’s hand in his own and was rubbing circles just above his thumb.

“This is nice, Spencer. I’m sorry that it took me so long to...” Hotch trailed off and looked up into Spencer’s eyes, his hair flopped forward slightly onto his forehead. He really should get it cut.

Spencer reached forward and brushed the errant lock off Aaron’s forehead, enjoying the way Hotch leaned ever so slightly into his touch. “You don’t need to apologise. Our situation is complicated. Everything got a bit out of hand and we were drunk...”

“We should take things slowly, I suppose” Aaron nodded and tried to hide the flash of lust that even the briefest mention of that night brought. Shifting in his seat, he couldn’t help but think to himself: Does that mean we’re not having sex tonight? Because he was really kind of hoping that he’d be adding something new to his fantasy repertoire. That blow job had been a staple for the past few months whenever he found himself feeling lonely and horny. Still, he just squeezed Spencer’s hand and moved back to allow the waitress to serve their food. Maybe Spencer was right, he was the one who’d freaked out last time. Slowly might be the way to go.

“You know spinach doesn’t actually have as high an iron content as is often portrayed in health studies and popular culture. There was supposedly a German scientist who misplaced a decimal point but that has been debunked as a myth.” Spencer rambled as he tried to stop himself imagining shoving Aaron up against the wall of his apartment and seeing just what the older man would let him do to him. He’d seen the flash of lust in Aaron’s eyes. Still, he’d said they should take things slowly and Reid could do that.

“So mother was lying when she said it would help me grow big and strong?” Aaron asked, light dancing in his eyes. “Are you trying to tell me that Popeye isn’t a documentary about a sailor?”

It took a moment for Reid to process the deadpan delivery of Aaron’s last question but he chuckled softly. “Don’t even get me started on the physics of Santa Claus.”

Dinner was nice. Spencer forgot he was on a date and just relaxed with the good wine and better company. The waitress cleared their plates and brought them the dessert menus.

“Dessert?” Hotch inquired with an eyebrow raised.

“I’m actually stuffed. I guess Rossi likes big portions.” Hotch’s face fell a little at the thought that the date was coming to an end. “Would...” Spencer began and then took a deep breath, “would you like to come back to mine for coffee?” He just didn’t want the date to end and some coffee would be a nice conclusion to the evening. He might even have some ice-cream in the freezer, maybe.

Hotch’s heart was thumping in his chest. Jesus, that look Reid was giving him from under lowered lashes was going straight to his groin. Who knew Spencer Reid could be so seductive? One little question and Hotch felt his whole body surging with lust. He couldn’t mean... but that slow smile. Apparently he’d decided to ignore Aaron’s comment about taking it slow. Thank God. He had to stay calm. He wanted this. He wanted everything a relationship with Spencer would entail. He wanted the sex. He really wanted it and he wasn’t drunk this time. He took a large gulp of water to clear the lump in his throat and signalled to their waitress for the check. “Sure, sounds great.”


	5. Chapter 5

As soon as they stepped through the door Aaron pushed Spencer up against the wall and kissed him fiercely, his hands curling in the lapels of Reid’s jacket. He wanted this. God, he wanted this. He knew that his actions were slightly frantic but if he stopped to think then he might panic again. Spencer gasped slightly in shock but before he could return the kiss Hotch had jumped backwards.

“Oh God, you actually meant coffee. I’m so sorry,” Hotch exclaimed as he raised his hands in a non-threatening gesture.

“No,” Spencer began, “well, yes I did. I mean I know that inviting someone for coffee is traditionally used as a euphemism for sex but I meant the drink. But I like this.” He grabbed Hotch’s hand and pulled him closer. “This is better.”

Hotch smiled broadly, “That’s high praise coming from you, Dr. Reid.”

Spencer huffed gently but he smiled too as Hotch pressed another, gentler kiss to his lips. The tender moment quickly deepened as both men’s arousal grew. Spencer pressed his thigh between Hotch’s legs and found his burning length with his hip. Hotch pulled backwards with a desperate groan and steadied himself on the wall.

“I’m sorry, was that too much?” Spencer worried. He didn’t know what would spook the older man. “We don’t have to do anything tonight if you don’t want to.”

“No,” Hotch smiled shakily. “I want this. I want you.” He pushed down into Spencer to demonstrate his point. “Just... could we take this to the bedroom?” He hoped that would quiet some of his demons at least. Spencer grinned and took his hand to lead him down a short corridor to the small bedroom. The room was dominated by a heavy wooden bed but there were clothes and books strewn across the floor.

“Damn,” Spencer muttered, blushing. He started flying around the room, picking up his possessions and flinging them indiscriminately into the wardrobe. “Sorry, I should have cleaned up.”

“Hey, at least I know you weren’t just trying to get into my pants,” Hotch joked. The domesticity of the situation grounded him and relieved the tension. This was no big deal. This was Spencer. He loved—really liked—Spencer. Grabbing at the young man as he whirled past, he pushed him in the direction of the unmade bed. He figured he’d be able to find his feet once they were both horizontal. How hard could this be? He knew what he liked so he’d start with that and just go from there. He just needed to keep calm. He couldn’t freak out again because no matter how forgiving Reid could be that just wouldn’t be fair to the young man. God, he was so young. Not important. Not important.

Hotch kissed Reid deeply and ground his hips down into the body below him loving the feeling the friction gave him. With slightly shaking hands, he tugged at Spencer’s tie and then started undoing the frustratingly tiny buttons on his shirt. Distracting Reid by sucking down on his neck, Hotch managed to hide his fumbling and get Spencer’s shirt open. He paused for a moment gazing down at the creamy, hairless skin. God, Spencer was beautiful. Looking up, he saw a brief flicker of uncertainty in those hazel eyes. “You’re beautiful,” he managed to blurt out, running his fingers down the planes of wiry muscle towards Spencer’s belt and relishing the quivers in Spencer’s flesh and the accompanying moan. Running his hands over Spencer’s chest was like stroking a cat. The younger man arched and practically purred under his touch. When his thumb brushed a nipple, Spencer gasped and Hotch grinned as he realised that this wasn’t so different from being with a woman. At least this part wasn’t. He rubbed the little nub into a hard peak and relished every sound that fell from Spencer’s lips.

However, he faltered slightly when his hand moved down to the straining erection in Reid’s trousers. Suddenly, all his fantasies were very real and, as much as he wanted this, he wasn’t sure what to do. Before he could stop himself, the words had tumbled from his lips: “I really don’t know what to do.” He felt his cheeks reddening and he was so afraid that Spencer would take it as a rejection that he froze.

Spencer just smiled up at him. “How about you lie back on the bed and let me explore you?”

“Explore me?” Hotch quirked an eyebrow but followed the suggestion after shucking his jacket, kicking off his shoes and pulling off his socks. The same thought went through his head that had gone through it the first time he slept with Hayley nearly 30 years ago: there is no suave way to remove socks. Self-consciously he pillowed his head on his hands as watched as Reid straddled him with lust in his eyes. He felt himself blush under the heat of that gaze.

Spencer started by running his fingers through Aaron’s hair as he kissed him deeply, gently massaging his scalp before he danced them, past his cheekbones and across his strong jaw. Spencer relished the sharp intake of breath when he dipped his tongue into that little dimple at the base of Hotch’s neck. He’d been thinking about that all evening. His dextrous fingers continued their path, deftly flicking open the buttons of Hotch’s shirt until they encountered his dark nipples where they rested before pinching and twisting slightly, drawing unabashed moans from the man beneath him. No one had ever really paid any attention to his nipples and Hotch had never really imagined that they could be so sensitive. He felt Reid’s smile against his lips and returned it as the younger man drew back to gaze into his eyes.

“I never imagined you’d be vocal,” Reid whispered.

“You’ve imagined this?” Hotch returned with a bashful smile.

“Of course,” Reid returned his attention to Hotch’s body as his lips followed the trail of his fingers and closed over the now hard buds licking and biting until Hotch was arching his back into the movement. Hotch drew in a sharp gasp and Spencer gently licked at one of his scars but Spencer’s clever fingers had already continued their trail down his sides making him squirm slightly which, in turn, made Reid huff a laugh against his chest. “Ticklish, too. You’re full of surprises.”

When the younger man reached his belt he glanced up with a questioning look in his eyes and Hotch nodded, perhaps slightly too eagerly from the wide grin that spread across Spencer’s face. Slowly, painfully slowly, his trousers were unbuttoned and the fly lowered. Spencer gently mouthed at the cloth covered erection tenting Hotch’s boxers and elicited an embarrassing moan from Aaron, which he stifled by biting at his fist.

“We’re all alone here,” Spencer commented as he leant on one elbow and traced swirls across Hotch’s boxers, “you can make as much noise as you want. I’m certainly not objecting.”

Any response Hotch might have made was lost as Spencer quickly removed the older man’s pants and boxers in one movement and slid down his body to tongue gently at his inner thigh. The younger man was achingly close to Hotch’s dick which only led to greater arousal without any release. This game was fun and sexy and better than any of Hotch’s fantasies, which were admittedly embarrassingly pedestrian but he felt like he was going insane from Reid’s measured teasing.

“Please, Spencer, please,” he groaned and fisted the sheets.

“What do you want, Aaron?” Spencer slid back up Hotch’s body and breathed over his ear before nibbling lightly at the lobe.

Hotch’s breath caught in his throat as his hips jerked up towards the young man above him. Eventually the question filtered into his consciousness. What did he want? He wanted everything. He wanted to feel. He wanted to be wanted. He wanted Reid inside him but he was afraid that he’d panic again. Still, Aaron Hotchner was not a coward. “I—I want you, Spencer.”

“You have me,” Spencer practically chuckled and lightly bit and licked at Hotch’s neck. “How do you want me? From behind? You want me to straddle you?”

“No. I—I don’t...”

Spencer stopped his ministrations and looked into Aaron’s eyes. “We don’t have to go that far tonight. There’s no rush and this is good for me. We can just use our hands or I could blow you again if you’d like.”

Hotch groaned at that and the sheer honesty in Reid’s eyes. It was what he needed to settle him, the knowledge that Spencer would never push him. Sure, he knew that before but now he _knew_ it. “No. I want you to take me, Spencer. I want to feel you.”

Spencer quirked an eyebrow in surprise and Hotch looked away embarrassed. “It will hurt, Aaron. I don’t want to hurt you.” Spencer added to himself that he was afraid it would spook Hotch and that would be the end of their relationship entirely.

“I know,” Hotch was practically glowing red, something Reid had never seen before and it added to the overall nervous feeling in the room. “I’ve been...um... researching?” Hotch swallowed and dived off the side of the bed towards his pants, practically tipping Reid over. Before the younger man had a chance to say anything, Hotch was back with his hand outstretched. Reid looked at the condom and several sample size packets of lube and he couldn’t help but grin.

“I may not have been planning to get you into bed,” he gestured at his still disordered bedroom, “but apparently you had other ideas.” Hotch blushed again but grinned at the same time and Spencer finally felt at ease again. He took the condom but grabbed lube out of his own bedside drawer. He wasn’t going to fuss with little packets at a moment like this.

“I want you, Spencer. I want this. All of this,” Hotch affirmed as he stroked his hand up Spencer’s sides.

Reid knew better than to ask if Aaron was sure again but he promised: “If you’re uncomfortable at any point, tell me and I’ll stop.”

“I know,” Hotch smiled genuinely and Spencer returned to licking the older man’s neck. Hotch was trying everything that he could to relax. He wasn’t a man who did things by half and if he was serious about entering into his first homosexual relationship, which he was, then he was damn well going to jump in at the deep end. Once Hotch was pliant beneath his hands again, Spencer stood from the bed and stripped off his remaining clothes. He didn’t miss the hungry look in his lover’s eyes which made him blush slightly.

Kneeling over Aaron, Spencer coated his fingers with lube. “I’m going to prepare you. You will tell me if you want to stop,” the commanding tone in Spencer’s voice was a little adorable, though Hotch knew better than to vocalise that thought. He just smiled and nodded. He wasn’t expecting Spencer to take his cock in his mouth but god it was good. The warm, wet heat was just as maddening as that night against the door in his apartment and he thrust lightly with his hips. Spencer used the movement to run a slick finger past Aaron’s balls and breach his hole. Aaron tensed slightly but it wasn’t unpleasant, just a sort of pressure _there._ Spencer dragging his tongue over Aaron’s length was a wonderful distraction and the older man soon found himself moaning around the feeling of three fingers rubbing against his prostate. With a pop, Spencer released his penis and claimed his mouth in a sloppy kiss.

Sliding a condom on, Spencer paused once more and looked to Hotch for confirmation. Aaron gave an eager if somewhat tense nod and tried to relax. “Aaron,” Spencer drew out his name as he thrust in to the tight heat. It hurt, like a burning stretch and Hotch willed himself to relax. He read about this. He knew the mechanics. It would get better. Spencer stilled, pressing soft kisses to his cheeks and jaw while he waited for the pain to pass. Experimentally, Hotch shifted his hips and both men groaned.

“You can move,” Hotch choked out. Spencer looked worried and shifted his weight; the adjustment had his cock dragging slightly over Aaron’s prostate. “Oh god, please move Spencer. Please.” It was embarrassing how quickly he was reduced to begging but Aaron couldn’t bring himself to care once Spencer started carefully thrusting, trying to keep the angle just right.

“Spencer, you don’t know,” the younger man reached for his hand and Hotch laced their fingers above his head. “You just don’t even know.” It had been so long, too long, but this wasn’t a quick blowjob against his front door. This was, Hotch eyes opened and he lost himself in Spencer’s hazel orbs, this was making love. It had been years since Hotch had honestly loved someone and been loved. It was heady and terrifying and oh so perfect. He reached for Spencer’s hips and willed him to thrust faster.

“Fuck, Spencer, I—this is—Spencer,” Aaron babbled as the younger man nailed his prostate, increasing his pace. Spencer’s free hand reached between them and he started jerking Aaron off, meeting the rhythm of his thrusts. It was too much and Hotch felt his orgasm start from his curling toes until he came hard enough that his vision blackened at the edges.

“Aaron,” Spencer moaned and came with a shudder, his arms giving out from underneath him until he was plastered over his boss who just held him closer.


	6. Chapter 6

Aaron Hotchner woke contented and slightly aching. Revelling in the moment he breathed in the slightly fruity scent of Spencer’s hair as the young man lay pillowed on his chest. The fear and regret that he had expected were wonderfully absent and instead he found himself happier than he remembered being in years. He’d also slept better than he had since Hayley had left. Sharing a bed with someone could be a pain in the neck but he’d take the shuffling around, light snores and stolen blankets over empty space any day. Reid was stirring, burrowing his head into Hotch’s chest against the sunlight.

“Morning,” Hotch whispered and pressed a kiss to the top of Spencer’s head.

“Uh huh,” was the only reply he received.

“Coffee before conversation?” Hotch suggested with a smile. He knew from endless hotel breakfasts that Spencer Reid was not a morning person.

“God yes. On a timer,” Reid waved a hand in the general direction of his kitchen and rolled off his boss before pulling the covers back up almost over his head. Hotch just chuckled lightly and wandered naked into Spencer’s kitchen to fix two cups.

When he returned to the bedroom, Reid had fallen asleep again so Hotch left his cup on the bedside table and picked up one of the many books scattered around and started reading about native flowers of Mexico before casting that one aside and picking up _Huckleberry Finn_ from the floor, slightly surprised that Reid was only reading it now. Reid woke up about half an hour later and blinked owlishly at Hotch before smiling broadly.

“You’re still here.” Hotch grimaced at the wonderment in Spencer’s voice before admitting that the tone was justified after their previous sexual encounter and that he was surprised himself that he was so comfortable lazing around naked in Reid’s bed on a Saturday morning.

“I made you coffee but...” Hotch began and gestured to the now cold cup on the bedside table.

“Wonderful,” Reid rolled with surprising speed, grabbing the mug and downing a large mouthful before making a face.

“But it’ll be cold by now,” Hotch deadpanned. Reid nodded his confirmation of his fact before shrugging his shoulders and chugging the rest of the mug. Hotch smirked at him.

“What?” Reid muttered. “There’s no reason to waste good caffeine.”

“You’re an addict,” Reid stiffened and Hotch wanted to slap his hand over his mouth. “Spencer, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean... I didn’t think before I spoke. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. I know. It’s just a touchy subject.” Suddenly a bright grin spread across Spencer’s soft lips. Aaron quirked a questioning eyebrow. “You didn’t think before you spoke. That’s not like you Agent Hotchner.”

Hotch chuckled. “Neither is lying in bed on a Saturday morning. I’m feeling peculiarly relaxed.”

“Ah the power of sex,” Spencer quipped. Looking over he saw a pained expression cross Hotch’s face. “I don’t blame you in any way for my addiction. You know that, right?”

“I sent you out there and then I wasn’t there for you. I should have helped you. I never should have listened to Gideon.”

“I don’t blame you,” Spencer reiterated quietly.

“Perhaps you should,” Hotch mumbled, his good mood rapidly fading. He’d failed Spencer before and he would fail him again. If there was one thing that Aaron had learned early at the hands and belt of his father, it was that he was a failure and a disappointment to everyone around him.

“Aaron, please,” Spencer nestled into his lover, “stop beating yourself up over this. It’s in the past. I’m clean and that’s all that matters.” Hotch nodded slowly and held Spencer to his chest until there was a loud growling noise. “I’m also hungry,” Spencer mumbled.

“You want to go out for something?” Hotch stretched and tried to shake off the black mood that was threatening. He was no good to anyone when the self-recrimination started.

“Not really,” Spencer stretched and Hotch admired the view as the sheets slid down his body. “Stop that,” smirked the younger man but the slight blush belied his sentiment. Hotch rolled on top of him pressing kisses over this neck and thrusting gently with his hips. “This isn’t food,” Spencer murmured as he met Hotch’s thrusts, grabbing at the older man’s ass and grinding into him.

“I finally have you,” Hotch whispered. “I don’t want to let you go.”

“Fine with me,” Spencer confirmed with a broad smile. “But, seriously, let’s go make chocolate chip pancakes.”

“Seriously?” Hotch grinned. “I don’t think one can seriously make chocolate chip pancakes.”

“And for that, you can forage for your own food,” Spencer grumbled with a little smile and rolled out from under Hotch, grabbing his boxers and escaping to the kitchen.

Hotch slowly followed, pulling on his own boxers and willing down his erection. Once he felt more in control, nursing another cup of coffee and watching Reid mix batter, he quietly murmured: “I meant it, you know. I’m not running away again. I was an idiot and nearly let this get away because of my ridiculous hang-ups.”

Spencer turned and gave him his full attention, a soft expression on his face. “I—I’m glad. And, for what it’s worth, I’m in this for the long haul too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading, commenting and encouraging.


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